The Adventures Of Tripp Fantastic Chapter Nine: The Empire smokes Crack Cocaine

Tripp woke up to Fredd and Brenda The Three legged lama chating in clear mandarin. Mandarin was a ancient Chinese dialect spoken by five foot tall Lego men. Or at least that is what he was taught in university.
Tripp spent three hours tentatively listening to every noise that came out of there mouths, trying hard to get in on the conversation. But he felt like a person in a wheel chair trying to play jump rope, he just was not equipped. When they where done chating, Brenda reversed into the cupboard. She had taken to sleeping in the day and hunting rough hyenas who had jumped the fence at the local waterpark at night.
"What where you guys talking about" Tripp asked Fredd. "well, She was explaining the  Algorithm Trinity Hypotenuse, which explains the nature of consciousness manifestation in all its mirrored forms and how she managed to obtain a pair of Taylor Swifts Socks" Fredd replied. "That's incredible Fredd, how did a lama missing a leg learn about algorithms and does she still have the socks". "She was on the Galactic High Council, four parallel life times to the left. She would not elaborate on the socks,but says you can have them. They are in the kitchen behind the toaster. She is a mysterious and magical creature Tripp make no mistake about that." . "hay Fredd... I was thinking mabey she would like a prosthetic leg with a switchblade in it, I now this guy". "That's real sweat of you Tripp. Can I have one?" . "I knew you would want one Fredd that's why I already got you one. I put it with you half of our Peruvian magic mushrooms". "Tripp the FBI was wrong about you being a gun for hire. Your a gentleman and a scholar".
"should we watch Ace Ventura:when nature calls or listen to a Taylor Swift Album Tripp?" "I think it would be best if we did both. But lets turn the volume down real low so our parents don't know" "ah good one Tripp. I'll go pour some Jagermiester for myself".

The Adventures Of Tripp Fantastic Chapter Eight : When A Snake Eats Its Own Tale What Does It Poo.

Tripp and Fredd had not slept in two weeks. They had been up making prank phone calls to A list celebrity's. You see Jim Carrey had recently swapped them a book of 51 A listers private phone numbers for Tripps very rear one of a kind copy of "The Garama Chronicles", it was a 4800 year old book which had been channeled by a great Sage weeks before the new golden age.

"Quiet Tripp!"Fredd whispered "The fucking Phone is ringing". "...ring ring ....what the fuck!! Who is this ?...its 3 in the morning you sons of bitches! I'll fucking find you and eat you God dam liver! ...do you hear me? ..." The person on the other end said. " I am very sorry to be phoning this late. You see I am phoning in connection with an over due library book" Fredd responded trying really hard not to piss himself both figuratively and literally. "I have never read a single shit forsaken book in my life ... Its 3 in the morning....who is this why would you wake me? When I say I'm go find you and harm you, I am not joking". Fredd put the phone down and waited 5 min then redialled the same number. "Ok I have had enough ...." the person starts. Fredd interrupts in the best Australian accent he can muster "ged day mate Hugh Jackman speaking have you just got a call from a Bruce asking you to return a library book?" "oh hello Hugh ...sorry I thought it was that person again" "Not to worry, Oprah" Fredd responds. "I got The same dam call for the last three nights, at first I thought it was you because the person said, this is Oprah Winfrey Speaking from the Oprah book club and that she would sue my good for nothing Australian mangy wolverine ass if I did not return "The Garama Chronicles" immediately!!".
And with that Fredd put the phone down.
"Fredd you do realise you probably the most intelligent sentient life form on the planet" Tripp said grinning from ear to ear. Fredd just took three Jagermiester shots in a row and threw a few wasabi beans into his petals. "so let me get this straight? We phone 48 A list celebrity's. Piss them off then mention "The Garama Chronicles" to them leaving them with nothing to work it out. They then figure out the book does not exist....they then figure out Jim Carrey must be behind it all cause he is spending his lifes savings mass printing it" Tripp stops then continues "so how does this help us?" he asks. Fredd clearly egger to explain starts "you gave Jim Carrey your only copy of the book right?....wrong!! Nano seconds before you pulled the book out of that worm hole and handed it to Mr Carrey I swapped it with copy of "Justin Biebers Never say never" mwahha mwahha" Tripps face lights up    " so that's why you phoned Bieberlishous first " "so when the snake finds its own tale they will all come looking for us and the only copy of....." And in unison they both say... "The Garama Chronicles ".
"just one question Fredd?" "what is it Tripp?" " how did you see this all happening Fredd? " " well Tripp Plants see all the way around Time and Space " " So Fredd if you see ...all the way around! Who is Garama?" " I am Tripp I am"

The Adventures Of Tripp Fantastic Chapter Seven : Breakfast Of Champions

So Fredd how much money is eleventy million dollars? Well Tripp my accountant said if we spend it irresponsible with no respect it wont last longer than a decade. So Fredd I guess that's what you plan on doing? "You bet cha" Fredd grind.

Two weeks later our heroes Tripp and Fredd found themselves on board a luxury  cruise ship in the middle of Bermuda. There were all sorts of important folk on board even that funny rubber face guy from Ace Ventura 2. "Jim Carrey! Tripp!" "what about him Fredd?" Tripp asked slowly. "look! he is have breakfast over there." And low and beholden It was Jim Carrey eating Fruit from what looked like a Lamas' food bucket. "I'm gone go say hello" Tripp said clearly looking like he had forgot to breath. "Good morning James" Tripp politely said trying hard to sound like Miss Money Penny. He was hoping the ledged of a comic would get his subtle humour. "Good Morning Tripp Fantastic ... I have been expecting you, take a seat , have some fruit" Jim Carrey Replied. "This is my good friend ...." Tripp began. "Your good friend Fredd" Jim Carrey interrupted. Fredd and Jim gave each other a knowing wink. "ok I'm freaked out a little, do you two know each other?" Tripp asked. "Guys come to my cabin, I have some stuff I would like to share with you both" Jim said standing up.
".....So your saying everytime someone gets Enlightened from watching one of your movies you wake up more enlightened?" Tripp asked. "Yes" Jim answered" So you get money and universal illumination, you lucky fucker!!" Fredd said try to sound like a shape shifting Reptile from the Orion Constellation. "Wow Fredd you sounded just like a shape shifting Reptile from the Orion Constellation" Jim Carrey Said Grinning. "Tripp, Rumours have it you have the only known copy of "The Garama Chronicles"?" Jim Carrey asked. " "Jim old buddy old pal, I do" Tripp smiled.
"Ok Tripp I have two very important things to ask you" "shoot" Tripp snaped while pretending to draw guns from imaginary gun holsters. Jim dived in front of Fredd thinking Tripp had gone mad and was about to blow his own friend to smithereens. "Jim that was b-e-a-utiful, you tryed to save my imaginary life" Fredd said wiping a tear away from his face. "well I'm a selfless child at heart so the combination of imaginary guns and danger made me spring into action" Jim replied with a smile so warm that Tripp and Fredd burst into tears and laughter ... Fredd even pee peed a little his bladder infection being what it was.
"ok Tripp I propose a swap. Your copy of "The Garama Chronicles" for a Three legged lama named Brenda and a book with the private phone numbers of 51 "A" list celebrity's ... for prank calls of cause, yes Taylor Swift is in there, but a word of warning Steven Hawkins will fuck you up if you waste his time." "well first what do you want to do with "The Garama Chronicles"? Second how did the lama lose the leg and lastly has Taylor Swift ever mentioned me?" Tripp asked taking on an air of superiority. " I want to copy and mass distribute "The Garama Chronicles" for my own evil ends. The guy who sold me the Peruvian lama also sold me a bag of Peruvian Magic mushrooms grown in Peruvian bullshit. The guy did not warn me about the fruitarian hyenas, if he had I would never have soaked her left hind leg in pomegranate juice!! Never!! And to answers your last question Taylor Swift talks about you non stop, problem is she thinks you are a mythological sexual fantasy manifested from her still unexplored dark sexual side"
"Holy shit really really...her dark sexual..." Tripp fell off the edge of the bed. " no not really Tripp but your imagination is a strong one anything is possible...with the right contacts" Jim Carrey replied smiling like the devil herself.
 "Deal!!" and with that Tripp pull "The Garama Chronicles" out of a worm hole and handed it to Jim Carrey. Jim gave him a book of phone numbers and whistled twice and a three legged lama came bolting out of the cupboard.

The Adventures Of Tripp Fantastic Chapter Six : Family Comes To Visit

Fredd and Tripp had a guest, Patches  MacGillacutty. Patches' was Fredds half cousin on his step fathers-in-laws side. Patches was a Forrest gnome From Knysna. He had invented a state of the art computer game for Forrest folk. It was called "The Blue Leaf Tetrahedron 4000".

It was just a stick, but lots of fun. It also only had one game that worked, "Hell Jumper 14". You hold the stick with both hands and run around screaming ridiculous things like all children do.
"Where did you get this great idea from Mr MacGillacutty?" Tripp asked. "Well Tripp my boy, I stole it from an elephant who had ripped it straight from a giant pair tree" Patches replied with a sense euphoric nostalgia. Tripp smiled and asked "...and how does the technology work?" "Oh that's an easy one !!" Fredd jumped in. "Well you do know that there are infinite universes and parallel reality's, what u probably don't know is how to access those realitys" Fredd continued "The first step in Inter-Reality-Hoping or T.H.E.D as we plant folk like to call it." "Why do you call it that?" Tripp inquired. "Because " The penis " sounds to much like ... Well penis, can I continue? Ok so in order to jump reality's one needs to just shift ones assembly point. If you could see reality from the point of a tree, you would see that each leaf see what the whole tree sees but each leaf also looks into its own parallel world, the tree itself therefore looks into thousands of reality's simultaneously... "The Blue Leaf Tetrahedron 4000" allows you the player for the first time ever to do this."
Tripp just sat there looking at Fredd. Then said "How do you know all that?" "I was just reading the instruction manual" Fredd replied rolling his eyes. "I was standing right in front of you holding a giant Turquoise Book with the words THE BLUE LEAF TETRAHEDRON 4000 INSTRUCTION MANUAL" Fredd yelped.
"That's awesome!! Mr MacGillacutty sir, who many have you sold?" Tripp asked. "The last time I checked we had sold all 144 000 units ... You see the US military Industrial Complex thinks it works and they don't want it in the hands of your common Forrest folk, so they bought the lot. But mind you the thing doesn't actually work because we cant find a power source. Our last guesstimation calculated it would need 100 100 Billion Million Suns or.... the imagination of a child and two full pockets of Peruvian bull shit". Tripp and Fredd looked at one another and laughed in unison saying "Peruvian magic bullshit!".
"Well I need to be going boys but I got you some gifts, for you Fredd my boy a cheque for eleventy Million Dollars and Tripp ,a lock of Taylor Swifts hair." "ok stop!" Tripp began " How did you get Taylor Swift to give you a lock of her hair and did she talk about me?" "That story my boy Is for another visit" and with that Patches vanished in a dance of blue and turquoise lights and all that remained was a pair of rear aquamarine quartz crystals.

The Adventures Of Tripp Fantastic Chapter Five: The Peruvian Mushroom incident.

Tripp was sad because his granny had died. She had died 19 years ago,but it still made him sad. Mostly, because for the first time he understood what she meant by ..... "Who you think you are, is nothing in the light of who you really are" and ...... "In the land of the blind, the one legged man will aways lose an ass kicking competition".

Tripp really would have like to discuss the "Alien Meddling stuff" with Granny and Gramps. They where experts in there own rights. Gramps had designed and constructed a series of devices for alien contact. The only problem was that, Electricity had not been invented when he made them!! So no one knew what powered them. His granny was the most advanced psychic and mind reader since Penny Wize. Tripp had no clue who Penny Wize was, but had been assured by Fredd that Penny knew stuff no one knew.
Tripp had decided he was ready to get married. He did not have a girlfriend but believed he was ... sexual mature enough to give birth. Tripp had just taken a large dose of Peruvian Magic mushrooms, the strongest known to mankind and his mind had stopped working the way he was accustomed to. He was sure he was an Elephant, he need to be an elephant, cause the human mind was not equipped with the necessary quantum flux capacity's to facilitate where he need to go. The room was breathing like a redheaded mermaid
Suffering from child birth. Colors were not  entirely sure they needed to be confined to one location or hue. He had made a tea shroom tea for Fredd. Fredd had grown legs and the African Violet was practicing his "fly kicks" in the corner of the room. "Fredd" Tripp though he asked Fredd. Which he must have because Fredd replied "yes sensei!!" Then did a double spinning round house kick and kneeled before Tripp. "Fredd how you feeling?" Fredd looked up " I feel like a plant with legs ... and like a little Taylor Swift ".
Four hours had passed and Tripp and Fredd had locked themselves in the bathroom. The bathroom was the only place they knew they would be safe from the Hyenas' that had been helping themselves to the fruit bowl in the kitchen. Even if the rabid animals appeared to be "fruit-terians, but there was no need to risk it.
The bathroom part of the Peruvian Mushroom Trip had been very productive. Between the two of them they had made a Christmas Tree from toothpaste and some tampons, toothpaste tampons would never sell ........ but art never did. They also had a technical drawing of atomic flux in hyperspace. Unfortunately it had been done in steam from bath water on the bathroom mirror. Fredd smudged it beyond recognition by fly kicking his reflection, in Fredds' defence he really thought him and Tripp where being attacked by jealous ninja.
All in all a very enjoyable time was had by all, the hyenas' had even left them a pear and a half eaten banana. Which they both enjoyed when they had finished eating there where seventeen full fruit bowls. Fredd looked at Tripp and said "I think my shrooms are kicking in" Tripp just picked up a apple with his trunk and began to contemplate "world domination" ... the sexual kind.

The Adventures Of Tripp Fantastic Chapter Four : Ascension and Prune Juice

It had been 17 days since Tripp and Fredd had Ascended, just like Jesus had done. The Ascension Process was as simple as the realization that life is a dream. The purpose of the "Dream" was to wake you to the fact you are God Dreaming you, with out having to die first. Tripp had known life was a dream, for about 3 days when he was 5. He almost died after drinking 3 liters of home made Prune Juice. The Doctors said he had shat two thirds of his body weight out in the first two hours after drinking the juice. Tripp was in a self induced coma for four weeks and three minutes. His mind had been taken onto a A.S.H.T.A.R Battle Cruiser.

A.S.H.T.A.R is a name given to the union of Alien intelligence's. It stands for Alliance of Super Humanoid Terrestrial Ascension Realms. The commander a blue female Palaidien. Her name was DomsexTrix, a very common name in her family he had been told. She had taken him on a full tour of the Battle Cruiser. She then took him to her bedroom and shown him maps of the Milky Way Galaxy and the three closes Galaxy clusters in unparalleled detail. She showed him how the nearby Galaxy's molecular structures where mirrored in the milky ways super structure. She explain that his atomic spin racoon....leg up....tommy knockers...elastic ball bag. At that point Tripp had been brought out of his coma.
Oh how he wished he could remember more from his visions. But he had a deep conviction it was not a dream. He felt the world he had woken up in was in fact the dream. He had a almost super human feeling that the purpose of life was to wake up in the dream.
Now as adult and a fully self realized ascended master, he was pure energy and pure potential it was his time. For once in his life he would live for him. He and Fredd would become Super Hero's. They would go about town picking mock fights with anyone who thought they where better than them. They would utilized there uncanny intuition to psychologically undermine people and places. So they could look cool to girls. The truth was they where not that super, but Super Shit Heroes still get laid. "That's a great name for a book !" Fredd thought out loud. Tripp promptly agreed and then poured another two Jagermiester Shots for him and Fredd. They had never been this exited by life before. "Taylor Swift is going to have my baby's" Tripp Smile. "Miss Swift looks like she can breed...Im Fredd" Fredd said noddingly.

The Adventures Of Tripp Fantastic Chapter Three : A Very Long Way To Nothing

Tripp was half way threw watching Ace Ventura : When Nature Calls when he suddenly sat up and asked him self "what was the connection between the Jim Carrey happy birthday video and the FBI wanting to pay Tripp £1 000 000 to kill Garth?" Because he apparently stole the Space/Time quantum flux processor. How was the Video and Quantum Flux processor connected. Even more importantly, why was he only thinking about it now? Mabey the video was the processor?! Why did he seem to have gaps in his memory? Why won't Taylor Swift return his Twitter messages and more importantly why did he not remember how he got "The Garama Chronicles"?.

After watering Fredd and burning a can of spaghetti O's to thank the gods for his good heath. He meditated for world peace and a free blue ray of Ave Ventura Dos!! ... 3seconds in, he opened his eyes to see a bearded man sitting on his TV. "and who is you my good man " the bearded man asked. "I was going to asked you that" Tripp said confused. "I know ...just thought I would flip the script...for shits and giggles" the man continued " my name is Kathumi ...ascended master?...loki?...comic jester? ...friend of the Great White Brotherhood or as I am known by millions of starseeds,lightworkers and Indigo children ...WORLD TEACHER." Tripp sat up alert, the last title triggered a memory. Tripp began slow "Let me guess ...in a past life you built the Taj Mahal ... And you invented the right angle tri angle and you where once called st.Francis of Assisi ... U where also a Pharaoh!! And let me guess a little more if I may Garth van Rooyen of Cape Town, South Africa that really bad Jim Carrey impersonator is your Etherical Twin Flam aspect?" The Bearded dude grinned and said  "you do freaking know mwah?" Tripp looked at Fredd who was about to giggle. Tripp responded with an inflection of laughter "no just a guess?would that be a script flip?" Tripp gave him a look that said get on with it. "well you had questions" Kathumi continued. "first that book you got ... Garth Channeled it 4817years ...23days...and 8hours ago." Tripp choked on his out breath "what the fuck!!...How ?what? When?" "Let me continue...it will be best if you just shut up from here till the end of my monologe ...kay?" Kathumi whispered with more authority than Tripp or Fredd were comfortable with. "You have read The Garama Chronicles a lot. So in the back of you unmastered mind you will get most of what Im About to say. From the galactic point of view to the atomic point of view all is one. But there are unique individual souls so much as they have unique time signatures. God is both the fine vibrations to the most dense vibrations, in the middle of that is soul. God has given all of creation to each soul...but to prevent a fight between his children and to teach you to master the universe, each Soul incarnates alone thousands, millions and billions of years apart. They eventually sync on one planet, when they eventually catch up to each other. Then as a "whole" the race moves on, and as one soul can explore space and time. If the race has not synced by the given time Aliens reach them and are allowed to intervene" Tripp interrupted "when is the given time?" " Well Tripp" Kathumi continued "2017 years ago". " Oh gods..." Tripp murmured trembling. "This cant be!!". Kathumi took one step towards Tripp and said " Its not true...I just made the whole thing up. Tripp can I ask you a question? Tripp nodded. " Have you just learned anything?"....... "We all make everything up?" Tripp said intrepidly. "good man!!" And with that the bearded freak was gone.
Fredd and the Tripp spent the rest of the night drinking Jagermister and eating wasabi beans. Tripp slept like a baby for the first time since he was abducted by aliens when he was 5 and shoved into a holographic incubator and tricked into thinking he was living his life out.